Where do I put it where do I stick it, where does it fit where my brain can register this kind of information? My cancer has once again spread, to my liver, I need chemo, how do I live while I’m dying, am I dying. Incomprehensible reality yet there are aspects that hit you like a hammer, chemo side effects, the slow deterioration of my body because it can never end. Can I ever really live again or merely survive, will it be one long difficult fight that I can never win. Will I just pray for the end, how, how do you live when you are dying?

But we are all dying, there is no sitting on the fence now, you live or you die, anything else is soul destroying torment. Waiting to die is like waiting for your life to start (to really start) you can’t just wait you have to start living!

Live till I die!

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