So I’ve just had my first scan on my second IV chemo treatment, (I progressed on my first one after a few incomplete cycles). Psychologically I’ve always rejected Chemo, so it seems the git decided to reject me too. I’ve read enough to know that chemo often fails especially in aggressive or advanced cancer, but I wasn’t expecting it. So, Take Two – I managed a couple of complete cycles before my bloods started to take a real battering, but my tumour marker ( a…Continue Reading “Body’s in trouble.”
Just a quick post to thank everyone who has taken the trouble to comment. I am seriously overwhelmed, you have no idea how happy I am that this blog is proving helpful. It’s really cheered me up as I’m a little low at the minute cos my mam is in hospital, and since I am also undergoing treatment and my bloods are down (which makes me tired and highly at risk of infection), I can’t see her. I’m also struggling a bit psychologically too with…Continue Reading “Thank you”
One of my biggest fears is knowing when to let go, I don’t want to go out kicking and screaming, gasping for my last breath , I want to be accepting and at peace, ideally having spent the evening dancing with those I love having a glass or two of really good red wine😆. Those who really know me will tell you, letting go isn’t something that comes easily to me. I have a tendency to hold on to stuff, although I’m much better since…Continue Reading “Letting go”
The Cold Cap didn’t work. So last Monday I returned from a fab weekend with my old mates in beautiful Ballycotton, it was late when I got home and as I pulled the grip out of my hair to go to bed a substantial amount of hair came with it. Here we go, I was too tired to deal with it then so I just went to bed. Back to reality with a bang the following morning, I sat on my bed in front of my…Continue Reading “Hair today. . . . . .”
It’s 3.46 am and I’ve been lying awake for hours almost in tears trying to suppress the desire to tear through my flesh with my fingernails. All because of the barely visible, but now burning like hell blasted horsefly bites from the beach yesterday morning. And I’m so poxy tired cos it’s night two without any sleep, last night it was the steroids. I have every drug known to man at home including antihistamine and hydrocortisone cream, cos the bugs feckin love me, and…Continue Reading “Horsefly”
So it looks like I won’t have to worry about spinal surgery after all.The MRI was worse than we thought and surgery is now not an option.😯. Palbo has stopped working and chemo is my next port of call. But for now cancer can go shite, cos tomorrow with every bit of strength I can muster, while I still can I am going to dance my ass off to Nile Rodgers and Chic. I’m still standing X
When I was first diagnosed a neighbour made the comment that its times like these you’d wish you had a man. It wasn’t my first thought I have to admit, having spent much of my life single and naively or not almost relieved when I realised that I could become a mother solo. I’ve also seen the strain illness and a cancer diagnosis can put on a couple, sure, the right man yeah great, but otherwise no thanks. My friends and family are wonderful and…Continue Reading “Lean on Me”
More time, more freedom, more peace of mind, more head space, more clarity, more experiences and more memories. Two of the many characteristics I’ve inherited from my mother are thriftiness and a penchant for hoarding. I’m a sucker for a bargain, give me charity shop chic and a good old flea market find any day. I like interesting unusual stuff, not really a trend follower. I’m told I have a bit of a flair for fashion, I love charity shops and vintage markets cos…Continue Reading “Less is definitely more”
Up till the end of last year I was lucky enough to lead a relatively pain free life, so much so that pain was a fairly predictable indicator of progression for me. On a much anticipated trip with old friends last November I winced regularly as electric nerve pain in my chest suddenly lifted me out of it. I hated that I couldn’t hide it from them, it was clearly written all over my face and no amount of painkillers made a difference. I was…Continue Reading “When pain becomes par for the course”
When nature’s beauty brings tears to your eyes, tears ready, waiting to flow, as once more you must cope with the fear of the next rollercoaster. Cope with the exhaustion of having to endure, while hoping and praying you are still strong enough to do it again and come out alive, with a life worth living. The beauty of nature that makes you inhale a breath so deep it reminds you how lucky you are that your lungs still inflate and your heart still beats…Continue Reading “Gratitude”
