Lean on Me

When I was first diagnosed a neighbour made the comment that its times like these you’d wish you had a man. It wasn’t my first thought I have to admit, having spent much of my life single and naively or not almost relieved when I realised that I could become a mother solo.  I’ve also seen the strain illness and a cancer diagnosis can put on a couple, sure, the right man yeah great, but otherwise no thanks. My friends and family are wonderful and do everything they can, but in 2016 things got serious and I nearly died. Everyone was great, but they all had other commitments, had to make arrangements. I became very much aware I was nobodies no 1, top priority, I had no dedicated person to fight my corner as I’d wish, and there was always the possibility I might slip away alone. Today I got bad news and I was alone, it was nobody’s fault and probably the first time, a last minute appointment for MRI results, people just weren’t free. I’m fiercely independent, love my freedom, but sometimes, just sometimes it would be nice to have someone there with nowhere more important to be, someone who doesn’t try to fix it (cos they can’t), who doesn’t say it will all be ok (cos it won’t) to just say nothing and  wrap their arms around you.