So the drugs didn’t work the cancer has spread to my liver despite the juice the organic veg the positivity the wheatgrass. Despite all my best efforts this sneaky disgusting disease has bypassed the drugs and hit my liver. I really might be dying, I have so much to do, the practical stuff like read up about chemo the side effects, nutrition, alternatives to help myself and not hinder the work this poison needs to do. Decisions to be made like do I even want to take it, is there another way. I’m upset but I am angry too, if there is a god and he was trying to teach me a lesson, give me a wakeup call it worked, why more punishment. Now I have to break everyone’s heart all over again.
Where do I put it where do I stick it, where does it fit where my brain can register this kind of information? My cancer has once again spread, to my liver, I need chemo, how do I live while I’m dying, am I dying. Incomprehensible reality yet there are aspects that hit you like a hammer, chemo side effects, the slow deterioration of my body because it can never end. Can I ever really live again or merely survive, will it be one long difficult fight that I can never win. Will I just pray for the end, how, how do you live when you are dying?
But we are all dying, there is no sitting on the fence now, you live or you die, anything else is soul destroying torment. Waiting to die is like waiting for your life to start (to really start) you can’t just wait you have to start living!
Live till I die!
